The article that below will have you warily holding onto your guns and religion.
Virus Breakthrough Raises Hope Over Ending Common Cold, Medical Research Council Study
Medical News Today — UK scientists have discovered that our antibodies can fight viruses from inside infected cells, a major breakthrough in our understanding of how our immune system responds to viral infections, such as the common cold, gastroenteritis and winter vomiting. This latest research, from the Medical Research Council (MRC), UK, provides scientists with a new set of rules that will have a huge impact on future antiviral research.
There are two things you should be wary of:
1)The Ides of March
2)Zombie Apocalypse’s brought upon by well-meaning medical research involving viruses.
In “Are You Prepared“, I warned of a Mad Max-style Dystopian future brought about by a Civil War that was the product of White anger of life in Obama’s American, after the demise of The Golden-Age of W.
We are approaching a period of great civil unrest. White militias are being raided, Lynn Cheney and Sarah Palin are readying presidential bids, gas prices are poised to skyrocket, the currency is shaky, unemployment continues to rise, and there is a negro in The Whitehouse. The fuse is lit, and an explosion of violence is imminent. What will you do when the skies are filled with fires, and all that is left is ash and regret? Well if you did not make it to Canada, Europe, or Cuba, all you can do is survive. Here are some things you will need to survive in the dystopian future that is right around the corner.
My timetable and vision of the future calamity was off. I did not foresee the rise to power of The Tea Party, and the calming effect it will undoubtedly have on the smoldering White Anger that was threatening The African American Dream. In White Anger’s place, we have the menace of an “I Am Legendesque” Zombie Apocalypse. I am here to prepare you.
WHAT YOU NEED?
A Best Friend of Canine Persuasion
Will Smith had a dog. It was ride or die. Dogs are great sentries. Their keen sense of smell make them great foragers, and women are often big fans of dogs. Getting the draws is important even in a world in the throes of an Undead Armageddon.
A Dead Family
The memories of your dead family can be used to motivate you when hope is low, and you believe you have reached the end of your rope. Being able to channel the dogged determination of Briana, your alopecia universalis addled daughter, will give you the extra oomph you need to stave off your inevitable suicide.
What happens when The British Pound, American Dollar, and Euro lose all of their value? Do you invest in precious metals like gold? Hell no! You get yourself a trunk full of Cowry Shells, the currency of the future. Cowry Shell jewelery will be the status symbols of post-Zomie Earth-616.
From Are You Prepared?:
Condoms: The ultimate form of protection. Pipe down future skanks with the comfort of knowing that they will not be looking for you with additional mouths to feed. You are a loner anti-hero, and having kids will not only rob you of cool points, but could put you at risk of giving birth of a Daken or a Damien Wayne.
For when a job is too big for your Swiss Army knife, a nice set of tools will come in handy. Also having the ability to fix things will make you invaluable to whatever community of road warriors you find yourself a member of.
A Badass Motorcycle
I for one will not be caught dead in a zombie, mutant, or hillbilly filled wasteland future without a jawdropping ride. Those condoms you have will be of no use, if you lack a hook to differentiate yourself from the undersexed hordes of men who will populate the not so distant future.
My lists of necessary items are far from complete, but acquiring these things is essential to surviving The End of The World As We Know It.
Sometimes being a prophet blows!
- Scientists redefine how our immune system responds to viruses (physorg.com)
- Breakthrough could pave way to cure for the common cold (healthzone.ca)
- Virus breakthrough raises hope over ending common cold (bbc.co.uk)
I pleaded with MC Hammer to squash his beef with Jay Z. Jigga just does not have the skills to contend with a fire-breathing microphone fiend on the level of Mr. Stanley Kirk Burrell. Here is an excerpt from my impassioned letter to Master of Ceremonies Hammer:
Think about the children Hammer…the young impressionable children. A bi-coastal rap-feud featuring a legend like yourself, and a young brash up and comer like Jay-Z has the potential to incite a Hip Hop civil war at the level not seen since The Ice-T-LLCoolJ War of the 80′s. That conflict claimed 142,000 lives. Do you want that much blood on your hands Stanley?
Hammer wants that much blood on his hands.
Has the world corrupted him and given him a new raging ego that has absolutely no qualms about pursuing a war that endangers the very existence of Hip Hop?
I know his heart is in the right place, but so was Carlos The Jackal’s.
The parasitic Illuminati elements that have taken root in the body of Hip Hop culture have to be quashed, but the cure that Mr. Hammer proposes just may be worse than the disease, and lead the Boom Bap community onto an accelerated path of self-destruction.
Watch the below video, and pray. Pray that we make it past this dark day.
EDIT: Illuminati interests have pressured youtube into removing the video.
EDIT: A kind soul has reuploaded the video.
The Illuminati better RUN RUN!
Last night was opening night for the 2010-11 NBA season, and the debut of the much ballyhooed Miami Big Three. The hype around this debut was deafening. Think of a combination of the releases of 50 Cent’s “Get Rich Or Die Trying”, Drake’s “Thank Me Later”, the series premiere of Law and Order: Los Angeles, and The White Iphone. I could not allow the opportunity to provide a personal account of this game for future historians, so I live tweeted the game. Here are the highlights.
I have always wondered if it was ever that kind of clobbering time for ol’ Ben Grimm. His difficulty with accepting his physical form has been well chronicled over the 50 years of Fantastic Four continuity. The resulting depression has often alienated him from his teammates, and from the love of his life, the blind sculptress, Alicia Masters.
Dash is of the mind that the depression that often consumes Ol Blue-eyes could be mitigated with a few sessions of “The Horizontal Mambo”. I am certain The Thing has the tools to please the ladies. Check out homie’s abilities:
The Thing has superhuman strength, durability, enhanced lung capacity, above average reflexes and dexterity, and is blessed with an ungodly amount of stamina.
Do you hear that ladies? The Thing has that strong back and stamina that you crave, which couple with his rock like skin, that I hypothesize, would keep his member perpetually hard you have yourself an Everloving One-Eyed Thing. I guess that is how he got the name.
*Like Bim, Bim, Bim, Bim*
So ladies are you ready to get down with Aunt Petunia’s favorite nephew?
Note: the rocky penis could cause a great deal of vaginal trauma, but I am sure Reed Richards has already developed a special condom for Ben to use. Safe sex is the best sex, so wrap it up even if Ben prefers it raw.
That album cover above is supposedly so dangerous, offensive, fashion-forward, and cutting edge that America has chosen to censor it. If this effort, which is a transparent attempt by Kanye West to court controversy, is enough to bring down the ban hammer, then my theatrical interpretation of The Little Red Hen has no chance of seeing the light of day. My reinterpretation of CB4 will never reach a wide audience, and the world will never know the majesty of my reboot of The Fantastic Four movie franchise. The banning of the cover for Kanye West’s “My Dark Twisted Fantasy” is the canary in the artistic mine shaft that died to let us know that we should be clutching our copies of Lady Chatterly’s Lover close, holding our unedited editions of Huck Finn dear, and placing our copies of Booty #69 in a very safe place. Our world is about to become a place where everyone will be so unappalled. The forces that fight to protect us from all things disgusting and indecent are coming for those of us who find merit in gutter-strewn trash masquerading as art.
You have been warned!