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Stray Utterances

December 21, 2010

Sometimes when men and/or women are confabulating a phrase will fall from the lips that is so memorbable that it comes to dominate your memories of that person. Here is one of those instances. I heard it straight from the harlot’s mouth.


“Damn that is one of dem 1960’s pussy! I ain’t seen one of those since the end of The WAR!”


The war in question was The Vietnam War, and the pussy belonged to a parttime whore who plied her trade on Birmingham, Alabama‘s Lower East Side. She was well known in the hole in the walls and private clubs that dotted 10th Avenue North, and the private houses of disrepute that were common in the East Birmingham neighborhood. The utterer of that phrase was a man known in the community as Big Demp. He was the beau of a proprieter of a local “Shot House”. Demp was a lustful lush who wore his love of tang on his sleeve. One day while at a secret watering hole, the parttime prostitute whom we will call “Freaky K” from now on, showed up intent on earning enough money for her rent. Her attempts to chat up the potential tricks in the room were frustrated by the heated game of Tunk that was being played at the moment. She turned to leave the room and search for customers at another locale, when she was stopped by Big Demp. Demp is reported to have said, ” you seem to be trying to make some money. Let me see that monkey.” ”

Freaky K replied, “you ain’t ready for this old man. You would drown in this.” 

“Bull shit. Demp ain’t never been drowned. I am trying to drop some money on you, but I got to know what you are working with.” Demp reached into his pocket and pulled out a thick roll of bills to let Keisha know he was serious.

“I will put a down payment on it.” Demp reached into the bills and pulled out a 50 dollar bill and forced it down her shirt. “There is more where that came from, if you are serious about making this money.”

By now the Tunk players’ attention had been drawn away from their game and onto the haggling of Big Demp and Freaky K, and they began to egg her on by flashing their money. Shouts of “Let us see that pussy”, began to erupt from the drunk men. Bills began to fly into the air as the men started to toss bills Freaky K’s way. Not one to disappoint an audience or leave the opportunity to scoop up the bills that were beginning to accumulate in great number at her feet, K decorously lifted up her skirt and bared her womenhood to the men. The classically hairy bush was a hit, leading Big Demp to exclaim, “Damn that is one of dem 1960’s pussy! I ain’t seen one of those since the war.”

In one motion K scooped up the money, and dragged Demp towards the door. She still had designs on getting as much of his bank roll as possible. Demp and K made their way to her appartment, where Demp immediately dropped his trousers. K went through the motions of getting him ready for fellatio, but at the last moment whipped out a taser. She shocked the man until he lost consciousness. While he was laid out she rummaged through his pockets robbing him blind, she then stripped him completely naked, and gave him a handjob. She made sure not to clean him up.

The next morning Demp awoke covered in his own fluids, a plate of hotcakes and syrup next to him, and no memory of being tased. K looked at him with a mix of scorn and amusement. “You could not hang old man. You got yours, but passed out before you could get mine. I won’t tell nobody that Big Demp couldn’t come with it though. A lady never kisses and tells. Eat your food Demp, and get out of here before your old lady comes looking for you with her that 9 millimeter of hers. We don’t need that trouble.”

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