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In Appreciation Of…

November 15, 2010

I was derelict in my blogging duties in October. The tenth month of the year pulls triple duty. In addition to being the month that contains what many believe is the birthday of  the homie Satan, it is also Domestic Violence AND Breast Cancer Awareness Month. My anger and disgust over The NFL’s disastrous incorporation of pink into some uniforms in observance of Breast Cancer Awareness Month caused a cooling of relations between me and my oldest friends; The Tittays of The World.

A simple classy ribbon logo to show solidarity with breasts should have been enough. My disappointment with The Shield for its fashion faux pas has subsided, and my love for breasts in all of their shapes and sizes have returned. All of them are beautiful, but not all of them are of equal importance. No breasts are of more historical, environmental, economic, and cultural importance as the funbags that belong to Aretha Franklin.

Aretha’s Breasts are real, and they are  spectacular.

Aretha’s Breasts work in concert with The Moon to regulate the tides of the ocean.

Did you know Aretha’s breasts are the reason that Scralett O’Harra never went hungry again?

NASA satellites broadcast the sound that Aretha’s heaving bosom makes when she walks into the far reaches of space in an effort to entice intelligent life  into communicating with us puny Earthlings.

Aretha’s boobs are officially a sovereign nation, and have signed The Kyoto Protocols, but do not  recognize The Geneva Conventions.

The citizens of Arethasbreastistan live  in a Socialist Utopia that is the most technologically advanced nation on the planet. The citizens practice a religion based around a Breast Spirit. The Marvel Universe nation of Wakanda is loosely based on it.

Those are a few facts about Aretha’s lovely lady lumps that you may have been unfamiliar with.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. November 15, 2010 6:39 pm


    Peace, Love and Chocolate

  2. November 17, 2010 12:30 pm

    Lmfao. Do they have vacation packages?

  3. Jefferson Cash Money permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:11 pm

    Witness this my friends. The ability for a man to embrace his sexuality, objectify a lady with R-E-S-P-E-C-T as she deeply desires, without being a pussy-whipped buffoon rockin’ pick via his condemnation of the red-white hybrid. Just a wonderfully written peace of literature here, and it’s time that an outstanding legendary voice be recognized for something deeper… down the trachea, through the lungs, around the north part of the Diaphragm and BAM ventrally placed. Bon Appetittayz.

  4. Melodic permalink
    December 4, 2010 8:59 pm


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