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Is The Everloving Blue-Eyed Thing Capable of Intercourse?

October 25, 2010

I have always wondered if it was ever that kind of clobbering time for ol’ Ben Grimm. His difficulty with accepting his physical form has been well chronicled over the 50 years of Fantastic Four continuity. The resulting depression has often alienated him from his teammates, and from the love of his life, the blind sculptress, Alicia Masters.

Dash is of the mind that the depression that often consumes Ol Blue-eyes could be mitigated with a few sessions of “The Horizontal Mambo”. I am certain The Thing has the tools to please the ladies. Check out homie’s abilities:

The Thing has superhuman strength, durability, enhanced lung capacity, above average reflexes and dexterity, and is blessed with an ungodly amount of stamina.

Do you hear that ladies? The Thing has that strong back and stamina that you crave, which couple with his rock like skin, that I hypothesize, would keep his member perpetually hard you have yourself an Everloving One-Eyed Thing. I guess that is how he got the name.

*Like Bim, Bim, Bim, Bim*

So ladies are you ready to get down with Aunt Petunia’s favorite nephew?

Note: the rocky penis could cause a great deal of vaginal trauma, but I am sure Reed Richards has already developed a special condom for Ben to use. Safe sex is the best sex, so wrap it up even if Ben prefers it raw.
2 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2010 8:36 am

    Poor Alicia. This would also explain Ben’s need to clobber things.

    • October 25, 2010 11:23 am

      Who knows what effect some tang would have on Ben? It could be what reverses his curse like when Belle gave up the ass in Beauty and the Beast.

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