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I Hope He Cheats On You…

October 4, 2010

The title is a bit misleading. I actually wish you and your new beau the best. Your happiness has always been the most important thing to me. If I would have been giving you what you needed you would have never strayed.  But if I were as vindictive as say Marsha Ambrosious in “I Hope She Cheats On You(With A Basketball Player)” {see above}, I would be giddy at the idea of him doing to you what you did to me with men of various occupations.

Fatherless Hoodrat

Yes fatherless hoodrat is a profession. Leeching off of the government, squeezing out babies, swallowing kids, and being satisfied with only the bare necessities of life is a career. *Shouts out to class warriors of The  “No Wedding, No Womb” Movement* Some historians believe that hoodratism, and not prostitution is the oldest profession. I know a woman of your bearing abhors the idea of being with a man who has such little class that he would put swine before pearls…that’s why I hope he hops in the mud on you.

*That last sentence could easily be a reference to anal sex. Something you were not into.*

Drag Queen

File:Lypsinka 1 by David Shankbone.jpg

You like many women who are fans of Oprah Winfrey and Terri Morrison have largely unfounded fears of men doing things on the down-low in a non-R-Kellian manner. I am the shock of finding out that he gave the business to a man who aspires to appear on “Ru Paul’s Drag Race” would leave you feeling some kind of way.

Wheel Chair Basketball Player

File:Wheelchair basketball 090923 akita cropped.jpg

I know you have always had a slight revulsion for the handicapable. The mind-fuck that would result from you coming home to find him giving brain to “Denise Handicapped” would probably leave you in the fetal position.

*Note The Dash Mane is not a sour apple bitter bitch. He wishes all his former flames the best in their future endeavors.*

You have the floor. What kind of person would soul crush your Ex if his new boo cheats on him?

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10 Comments leave one →
  1. MsEsquire77 permalink
    October 4, 2010 8:04 pm

    You need your head examined! With that said, I’m not in love with this song but I absolutely adore Marsha’s voice and I can’t wait for her album to finally drop.

    • October 4, 2010 8:16 pm

      The title of the song is better than the song. The best thing about this joint is that it cleared up a lot of the confusion I had about which former member of Floetry is which. I always thought the light-skinned one was the spoken word artist.

  2. essence permalink
    October 4, 2010 8:37 pm

    Simple. A Dick that doesn’t come off.

    • October 4, 2010 8:52 pm

      That would be devastating for a Sapphic Sister, especially if it involves dome piecery.

  3. October 4, 2010 9:46 pm

    OMG! Lmao a wheelchair basketball player though? If my ex’s new beau cheated, some people that’d have to crush his soul would be

    – a family member
    – her ex
    – anyone else & in his bed, videotaped..for him to watch
    – a guy off the block that has baby moms up the @ss and just made her a new one
    – same guy off the block that nut in her & she took a pic for her current beau..

    I think I said enough 😡

    • October 5, 2010 9:10 am

      Are you speaking from experience?

      • October 5, 2010 10:44 am

        Lmao yes and no.

  4. MPeezy permalink
    October 5, 2010 5:01 pm

    Wow….To be honest I’d actually like to play wheelchair basketball once, as long as my legs wouldn’t feel the wrath of some weekend warrior crashing into them with a steel machine.

  5. November 7, 2010 9:41 pm

    Wow! Nice article. I like it. 🙂

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