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The Desirability Equation

July 20, 2010

The eureka moments that lead to great scientific works can come from anywhere. It is up to the brilliant amongst us to recognize these moments, and pursue the potential for quantum leaps in understanding of the universe they provide.  An apple following on the head of Sir Issac Newton while he sat under a tree was the impetus for him to ponder the laws of gravity. Science and human understanding of the world could have been changed forever, or progress retarded if instead of an apple falling on his head, a rat with wings had dropped a little poo on his powdered wig. Last night The Dash Mane came across this tweet(quoted below) by the homie Nikki Davinci,

You guys ever wonder how many people masturbate to thoughts of you? Ponders*

which planted the seed for me to provide my greatest contribution to humanity since I coined the term felationship. Felationship (noun) [fi*ley*shuh-n*ship]- association, connection, involvement based solely on oral sex. There are no emotions or penetration in our relationship, we are engaged in a felationship.

Here is the result of me putting my mathematician’s hat for the first time since I was religiously watching PBS’s Square One as a jitterbug.

The simple equation is S^-1(P1/Q1 * P2/Q1 *B) + Y = ω

S=The Consensus Number People Rate You On The Dime Scale

ω is the number of people who have masturbated to thoughts of you. The ω is also a reminder that the final answer must be rounded up or down to the closest natural number.

P1=The Approximate  Amount of People You Have Met

Q1=The Amount of People You Have Amorously Exchanged Numbers With

P2= Accounts for E-Admirers and is The Sum of Your E-Networks. The Average Number of Daily Blog Hits, @ Mentions, Non Club Promoter Facebook Inbox Message + Your Unsolicited Chats on Various Networks + The Sum of Your Facebook, Myspace, and Twitter Friends/Followers

Q2=Bruh Man (From Martin) Enemy Attraction Constant or 4.7 X 10^7

Y=The Amount Of Years Since You Have Been Pubescent and/or Sexually Active (Note we have to make an adjustment of adding  3.7 to account for The Pervert Corollary)

With this simple equation you too can calculate the amount of people who have masturbated to thoughts of receiving from or giving you that good joog.

Where are my Nobel Prizes? This surely should put me in the running for the Peace, Mathematics, Physics, Chemistry and Medicine Prizes.

10 Comments leave one →
  1. July 20, 2010 2:41 am

    Omfg!!!! This rocked my socks!!! You are the best.. Now I will be here all night calculating.. Brilliant dash..

    • July 20, 2010 5:17 am

      You asked me nicely to explain the equation, so I had no choice but to show my work. I am waiting for some of the big journals to holla at the kid.

  2. B. Nik permalink
    July 20, 2010 2:56 am

    ROFLMAO!!! WOW! I really wanna solve this equation! But it will take me YEARS!

  3. meka permalink
    July 20, 2010 4:47 am

    The equation kilt me!

    • July 20, 2010 5:14 am

      I originally intended for you to have to take a derivative of the equation, but decided that twas too much work. The end result is elegant in it’s simplicity like the dialogue found in Huckleberry Finn.

  4. e weezy permalink
    July 20, 2010 5:00 am

    I always imagined mine to be every woman that’s ever crossed my path

    • July 20, 2010 5:05 am

      The Shone Massive can’t enough Weezy.

  5. Tescadero permalink
    July 20, 2010 5:42 am

    ha. I was never good at math. I’ll be back tomorrow with someone who is.

  6. July 20, 2010 6:35 am

    Um, yeah. I used to be very good at math, but now Im not, so Im not gonna be doing this. But thanks!


  7. SmartFoxGirl permalink
    October 16, 2010 10:26 am

    LMAO! You are a fool. I dunno my variables though, how many people I’ve met? I’m gonna stay clueless on this one. Although the thought of someone masterbating to the image of me is hawtness. I though ya’ll used p0rn for that. lol

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