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NBA Fan Free Agency: My Search For A New Team

July 19, 2010

The first post from Coming Attractions I will tackle is my search for a new NBA rooting interest.

After 15 years my fanhood of The New Jersey Nets may be coming to an end. The drafting of Derrick Favors and signing Travis Outlaw to a 5 year 35 million dollar deal have me at my breaking point.

The selection of Favors led to a continuous stream of profanity that startled a Church’s Chicken cashier so much, I receive seven free honey-butter biscuits.

Fuck Derrick Favors!

I originally became a fan of The Nets during The Coleman-Petrovic-Anderson Trio had The NBA on notice that they were the team of the future. They are memorialized below by highlight mix and cult interweb legend KBlaze.

I am convinced that my fanhood of The Nets will never be satisfying. I do not begin seasons with anything approaching hope, like I do when The Mets, Cowboys, UAB Blazers Mens Basketball Team, and Miami Hurricane Football seasons begin. Dash goes into every Nets season knowing that the best thing he can hope for is pleasant surprise, or as I refer to it, “A Green Eggs and Ham Whammy”. A rooting interest based on the possibility of “A Green Eggs and Ham Whammy”, is not the recipe for longterm interest in The NBA. The fact that I have hung on this long is amazing, and a testament to my peerless character. I am a motherfucking mensch, but even motherfucking mensches have their breaking points. The Travis Outlaw contract was it. I am done. In the words of a random heartbroken Seattle Supersonic fan, “I will root no more forever.”

Fuck Derrick Favors!

I am reading to cast my lot with a new team. A team with a future that does not hinge on Courtney Lee becoming more than a 7th man caliber player, Brooke Lopez growing a spine, or Billy Knight developing common sense.

It is a shame when The Clippers have a better core, and future than the team you root for, and it is a shame that I have been forced into becoming a fan of The:

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