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Anatomy of a Humbug Mission ft-Devin The Dude

January 25, 2010

The drought is the scourge of promiscuous man’s existence. It can lead to a horndog being reduced to all manner of depraved behavior. I will use “Show Em”, a hidden gem on Devin The Dude’s self titled insufficiently lauded debut as a means to show some of the consequences and pitfalls of the drought.

One of them is excessive masturbation. Note excessive, a little priming of the pump is expected no matter how much action a man is receiving. If he does not engage in self-gratification, or claims that he does not, do not trust him.

I know I shouldn’t do this, but i can’t help it
I’m a fiend, lotion and magazines is what I’m left with
I step without my pride to the toilet and lace my palm
With honey and almond…

At this point of desperation a man is open to doing almost anything to scratch his itch, and will jump at the opportunity to jump some woman’s bones. For Devin the chance leaps at him through the phone:

But suddenly the phone rings, and its Kb
Pussy just came through, some for him and some for me
Hell yeah, I’ll be there to help you fuck ’em
Get ’em drunk, get ’em high pull they titties out and suck ’em

Whenever I listen to this song, I always make note of the optimism that can be found in Devin’s voice when KB rings him and makes him aware of the akshone that is available to him. Devin is so poonani starved that he forgets that there has to be a reason why the friend needed to call him and make a hard sell on the awesomeness of this opportunity. Take a read:

Don’t rush ’em
We bout to fuck these hoes man no question
Just bring your ass on because they already buzzin
And lovin, my hospitality I put it down
I got a quarter pound of weed and a big thang of crown
Shit my dick hard now, just lookin at these bitches
With these big soft asses and these nice round titties
While you gigglin you best a hurry your ass the fuck
I’m bout one second away from cranking this fuck fest up

Which brings to the reveal of the humbug nature of the mission:

What the fuck is this thick neck big bitch here
Man I should a bought a 16 ounce beer
Say big hous, you fucked over me dawg I thought we was cool
How in the hell we gonna get these two big bitches in the pool

The quality of the females is terrible, but the need is still there. The hoes in the song slapped on Maybelline and apparently have clean navels. If these are the traits that you must highlight as cute features my friend, you are on a humbug mission.

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